mathematically yours
by extraordinaire
Summary: AU oneshot. "I know I'm hot, but our 'romantic relationship' can wait until we're out of the classroom. Really, if you can't do the math, then get out of the equation." Math will never be the same again...


**mathematically yours**

for Ali and Meaghan  
(and Alfalfa and Babysitting Kid too)  
Mathletes would be nothing without you.

* * *

Why hello there fellow mathletes!

It's me, you're home girl (and yes, that's the pink-haired girl that brought us all to The State Championships with my last problem on the circumference of a llama) coming to you with a message.

Kakashi-sensei, our Mathlete President, would have all informed you that we have a very important meet in two days, but he was too busy canoodling in the closet with our Mathlete Secretary. They were going over some _very important matters_.

Which is exactly what I'm doing.

Our ridiculously alcoholic principal, Tsunade-sama, who would rather spend money on the soccer-team's uniforms (and her precious, star-studded sake) than buy matheletes uniforms which would be terribly awesome, is in horridly misguided.

(could you imagine shirts that are superly big and have a pi on them and all this cool jazz?)

So with this misfortune, I, and my total bestie, Ino, have come up with a plan.

WE NEED TO MAKE OUR OWN UNIFORMS.

So grab a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt and use the colors of our school, writing cool sayings like, _"Get off your ath and do so math!"_, or my personal favorite, _"Mathalicious!"_ And let's not forget out team names and numbers!

#1—Sasuke Uchiha (_The Percent Master_)  
#2—Sakura Haruno (_The Pythagorean Princess_)  
#3—Naruto Uzumaki (_The Terrible Trig_)  
#4—Ino Yamanka (_The Queen of Calculus_)  
#5—Shikamaru Nara (_The Troubled Problem-Solver_)  
#6—Tenten (_The Crazy_ _Calculator_)  
#7—Neji Hyuuga (_The Algebraic Alibi_)  
#8—Lee (_The Ratio Ringmaster_)  
#9—Hinata Hyuuga (_The Geometric Gal_)  
#10—Kiba Inuzuka (_The Radical Racer_)

It would also do well to follow the trends of our fellow school members and write on our faces. We could write our number, or simply the wondrous Pi sign. All these would be _exponentially_ (get it? Huh?) cool, as well as proper.

We need to WOW at the next meet!

And speaking of the next meet, we shall be having the same transportation. Although the bus driver last time was quite scary, and we all feared that he'd take us into a pack of wolverines that would rip us apart limb from limb (you know you were all afraid—even you, _Uchiha_), we survived.

This meet, we'd like to change a few things, if that was alright with you.

1) Neji, you and Tenten happen to be my favorite secret-love couple, but your longing stares at her while she's working on some property equations. The burning stare on her back(_side_) makes it hard for her to concentrate—she does feel the same way after all. So please just go and make-out and make it easier for all of us.

2) Ino, even if Naruto is your new boy toy (not _boyfriend_—but just the guy you consider hot for the week) is attractive (I thought you had this thing called _taste_, darling), you can't ogle over him, flirting at unusual measures. You see, Hinata happens to have a huge crush on him, and she gets very flushed and angry (but hides it impeccably well) when this happens. She snaps pencils and messes up on her geometry. We need to preserve school supplies and keep our shapes in perfect proportion—so find someone else!

3) Naruto, stop flirting with me when I'm trying to concentrate on word problems involving time and distance. You know that I find those quite difficult, alright you loser? And for some reason—really, I just don't know—a certain Uchiha gets terribly jealous when you're hitting on me.

4) Shikamaru, you are sleeping when it's not your turn to do a problem. This is bad, for it gives the other team the thought that we're lazy, and therefore stupid. We must act fierce and strong against the apposing force! So drink some coffee, get more sleep, and stop staying up late with Temari, performing some _nightly activities_.

5) Lee, we all know that you have the hots for Neji and his irresistibly long and flow-y hair, but he's got a thing for Tenten, so stay away from both brunettes and just keep the peace. JUST FOCUS ON YOUR QUADRILATERALS!

6) Kiba, why are you on this team, you idiot? Aren't you like, three years behind? And I know you like Hinata and all, but she likes Naruto. You and Lee are messing up the social structure of the love going on around the math. Just focus on your addition, okay? 2 _plus_ 2 _equals_…??

7) And finally, I have to have a word with you, mister-I-can-play-footsies-with-you-even-if-your-working-on-calculus. Okay, no, you can't! And you can't give me that smoldering look either. I know I'm hot, but _come on_; I need to be working on the mathematics. Our 'romantic' relationship can wait till we're out of the classroom. IF YOU CAN'T DO THE MATH, THEN GET OUT OF THE EQUATION!

Don't forget your calculators either! This is going to be a big meet, and we need enough help as we can get, so seriously, Ino, stop pushing Naruto into the closet and making-out with him when we could be studying—and YES, I've been watching.

(and Hinata, if you've fainted, I'm quite sorry)

Oh, and it would be greatly appreciated if you could all wear ribbons in your hair—colors of our school. And that means guys too! You all have freakishly long hair, so you can stick a few in there. I'll bring extra just in case!

Love, hugs, and pi,  
Sakura

P.S. And Sasuke, what do you say about _tutoring_ me after school today? I could use some of your _expertise_.

-


End file.
